You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
