So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
