he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize