she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
