I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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