Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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