I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
