Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
