maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
