I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
