apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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