The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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