walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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