he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
