God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
And the cops told us we were all naked.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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