Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
