you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
