i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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