sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
