did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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