Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
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