i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
