Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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