If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
