u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
i barfeds in our rink
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
