He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
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