You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
