Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
