The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
