some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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