Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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