You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
