When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
