Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
