GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
