I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
