Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
