im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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