I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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