So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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