I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize