I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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