Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
