do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
