Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
