Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
