Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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