just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
whose parrot is this?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
