is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
