well I can't set my house on fire every night
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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